The heartbreak continues...

The new vet (heretofor known as DrZ) was suspicious of Gabby's symptoms since they weren't really jiving with her numbers. She was also concerned about the steady increase of her numbers so she suggested doing an ultrasound to see if there's something else going on. This is not an inexpensive proposition. Our previous vet did mention it when she was first diagnosed, but didn't recommend it. The diagnosis of kidney failure and the treatment wouldn't change. My gut was telling me that we needed to pursue what was going on, so I agreed to the ultrasound. DrZ told me to have my phone handy in the event that they found anything. I was afraid to answer the phone when it rang.

There was a small mass in her abdomen and her liver looked abnormal. She wanted to do biopsies. They were suspicious of the mass. The liver could simply be "old dog" liver...or, if the mass was cancerous, it could be the sign of it spreading. This was also an expensive proposition, but I needed to know what we are working with so we did both.

We got the results. The liver was, in fact, old dog liver.

The mass, however, is cancer. A "poorly differentiated carcinoma." Based on analysis of the cells, they do not believe that this is the primary tumor and recommended doing chest x-rays to see if there are any other visible tumors. If there are, then additional biopsies would potentially let us know what kind of cancer we are talking about. I had the x-rays done tonight. Along with a test for Addison's Disease (to be explained in another post).

Some might ask what's the point? Why spend all of that money on a 15 year old dog. She has cancer, she has kidney failure, the prognosis isn't good. And I know that, I do.

I want to be clear, though: I won't ask her to give more than she can for my own selfishness. I won't ask her to suffer just so I can keep her around as long as possible. BUT, at the same time, I don't think she's done living yet. She has never held back "telling" me anything, I don't think she'll hold back telling me when she is ready to go. I can't say, "Ok, that's it" when I don't have all of the information and I can't give up hope if there may be things that can be done to get her back on track and feeling better for a while longer. I have no doubt that the 3Cs (Cori, Carol, Celeste) as well as other friends and DrZ will keep me in line if I do momentarily step out.

She's my best friend, I owe it to her to fight the good fight, as well as to know when to let her go.

December 19, 2008

For a while we had wondered if Gabby was getting doggy dementia. She had started to bark or wag her tail at people, animals (or things?) that didn't exist. Sometimes she would stop in the middle of the hallway and stare off or run outside and seem to forget why she was there. On Tuesday of this week she had gone outside, but when it was time to come back in she ran head first into the door as though she thought it was open. She bounced off, but didn't yelp and didn't seem to be in any pain at all. We thought she was ok. The next evening she started yelping in pain. On Thursday morning I called the vet to make an appointment that day. 15 minutes later I was calling the vet back to see if I could take her there immediately...the occasional yelp had become screaming.

He did x-rays and say that there were 2 points in her spine. One in her neck, the other in her back, where she was showing signs of degenerative disc disease. Based on the exam, he said that she was likely suffering from a slipped disc as a result of the impact with the door. He gave her steroids, muscle relaxer and pain meds.

She was due for her semi-annual geriatric blood test, so we had that done as well. On Friday I missed the vet's call, but he left a message. The radiologist had confirmed his theory regarding her xrays, but there was a problem with her bloodwork. Please call back. He called again later, this time giving his cell number because he was leaving work. When the vet leaves a cell number, it's probably not good news. As soon as I got the messages I called him back.

I've had to stop writing this entry a few times, because I've started to cry...

He told me that her bloodwork indicated that she was in kidney failure. He said that we should give her fluids. We could either do that at home, or at the hospital which would require a 48 hour stay to be most effective. Obviously I was having trouble processing it all, because he said if it were his dog that's what he would do. I wish I could give more information here, but I can't remember any more of what he said. It felt like my heart stopped. My eyes welled up with tears (like they are now yet again). I've never been through this before. I had no idea what it meant, what would happen. I am still learning what it all means. He said to bring her in on Monday and she would come home Christmas Eve.