I have to remind myself to live in the present. Sometimes this is the hardest thing for me to remember. She can't be cured and I can't make this go away for us. Her death is inevitable, but, really, it always was. Up until the diagnosis we lived life without being consumed by that. Sometimes it seemed like she was so healthy she'd live forever. This diagnosis brought the reality that she wouldn't to the forefront. It's even possible that this disease may not be what she dies from, especially if she does well with the treatment plan. She'd do better if she at the special diets, but I'm doing what I can to make sure that what she does eat is in line.
Along with living in the present is to understand that the efforts I am making right now are to give her good quality of life for as long as possible...to fight the disease for more precious moments together. I was, am, depressed. I cried for days in a row, and still cry now. I can be afraid, guilty, angry, depressed but I can't let it consume me. And, more important, I can't let it affect Gabby. She's always seemed to be "in tune" with me, I have no doubt she's picking up on those feelings and that's not going to help her. Besides what sense does it make to squander that time mourning her when she's still here and very much alive?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment